Thank you Mongar; A letter of gratitude to a cohesive community

Dear all,

The nightmares that befall my family are almost over. At least so, should I think? Because this is how life is and we have to move on. I still can’t believe it happened. But this is inevitable. Everyone must meet the same fate. It left a huge void that nothing can fill. Visiting that empty space in the heart I feel terrible. One month passed without her and it feels like years on end. But we will let go, for she should be reborn amongst beings in higher realms or at least amongst us because I feel we have unexpressed feelings, unsaid words and unfinished business.

When this misfortune struck us, I felt we would be in the dark all alone. But I was wrong, help and support came from all corners. How I wish I could repay your helping hands and words? It meant so much for me and my family in the testing of times. It was overwhelming to know that sense of community is stronger than I have ever imagined in Mongar.

I have reached the place only days later but by then everything is in great order. Even after my arrival the support have been unprecedented, for all of these I am immensely grateful to; Kadam rimpoche and his zhelops, Kilikhar shedra and dzongkhag rabdey for all the blessings and sungchoes. Dasho dzongda and his administration, DEO sir and his department, Mongar Regional Referral Hospital and its staff, Mongar lower secondary school and its teachers, Mongar Higher secondary school and teachers,  business community of Mongar town, parents of school children, throema tshogpa of Mongar, neighbors at MLSS teachers colony, friends and relatives from all over the places. You held my hands, you tucked my heavy heart, you lessened my sorrows and above all you lighted my dark world. 

Today only thing I can do is look back and be glad that on the longest and most difficult journey of my life you all were there for me. Such tragedies may not happen to everyone but everyone who undergoes such situations may not be as fortunate as us to benefit from such a cohesive community. If not for your sincere help and unwavering support, we would not have conducted the rites and rituals as expected. 

I wish I could rip out my heart to show you how humbled I am. But then in reality only thing that I can do right now is offer these hollow words, albeit sincere. It’s unrealistic if I say I know all of you who have come to my rescue by name but I remember all of you by your face and where you work. Now I am praying that in life let me cross your path and I be of some help to all of you. I owe you so much more. 

I remember the cash you have contributed. I know kinds you have delivered. I remember flags you have hoisted. I remember butter lamps you have made and lit. I remember calls you have made. I remember cars you have given. I remember your endurance in smoke to cook. I remember servings that you have done. If not for your contributions, stories would have been totally different. My family will remember these till the end. These memories will seat deep in our hearts. In time I wish we will repay these well-intended acts of kindness in full with love.

Today as I think and brood over the unimaginable loss in my life, in the confines of my hostel room, my heart murmurs with the gratefulness to all the people who came together and lightened up the darkness. My grievance shied away thinking about the immense support and gewa that we could together perform. Should the departed soul look back from dead, she must be glad at what we together did. 

49 day rituals are yet to be conducted and I have no doubt teacher colleagues and neighbors will see it through. 

Today I sign off with a grateful heart with a hope to see you all in a months’ time.

Sincerely

Namgay Wangchuk

Shimla

My prayers!

Photo credit: www.saintanneschurch.dk

Prayers are very much a part of our existence for almost all of us. For me prayers were like my mother, the foundation on which I built whole of my existence. Since my childhood buddhist chants appealed to me and so my prayers are inspired by buddhism, although as a child I said them for fun. As I grew up I started asking questions and the answers that I got fanned my curiosity and I am still searching for some more and it has been quite a journey. Here this way I am taking some time out as a self -assessment exercise.

Since a long time back I had this intention to make prayers the keys to my mornings and locks to my nights like Gandhi did but I somehow I am still struggling to do it. However I sit longer on weekends to compensate and ease my guilt. Once I complete my chants (which are a concoction of various incantations composed by different masters) I dedicate the merits if any. 

There is no rudimentary sequence as such in saying them, it is just a free flow that I decided for myself. After these chants, I dedicate my merits to all sentient beings like all other bodhisatvas of three times have or would have done. I also would wish that these merits that I accumulated through chants along with those gathered in countless past lives to benefit the sentient beings as their altruistic dedications does.

This is how I start; "from the times immemorial until today, down to this moment, through different times; high and low, good and bad in different births and rebirths in different realms. I know I have been fortunate to be embalmed by your( root guru) blessings. Even today you have been the source all my good fortunes, sound health and decent accomplishments. I am grateful for your blessings, for all the good things that befell me because it gave me happiness, satisfaction, and joy.

I am also grateful for all those not so good things that happened in my life so far, because these moments gave me lessons that were the fabric of my holistic existence and balanced my world view. These hard times taught me how to reminisce moments of joy. These tough times made me strong. Sufferings made sense, like awful tasting medicines. Adversity helped me appreciate goodness in life and swallow pride when I am better of. Those miseries made me brave although being well aware that they are the unerring return of my karmic actions of innumerable previous lives.

I imagine the spirits of triple gem, essence of body speech & mind of buddhas of all directions and times, my dharma kings,   my great parents,  my wise teachers, my nice friends, my kind relatives, my lovely wife and even my well meaning enemies, in the face of my root guru. I say am sincerely thankful for everything and especially for being the fundamental components of the world I live in.

I say " Starting today until I end of my cyclic existence and then buddhahood; in peace or in pain, in life or in death I seek refuge in you my Guru". Thus I invoke him to bestow me with inspiration to love, strength to bear pain and bravery to conquer them but not to solve them for me. Not to salvage me but to guide me as necessary.

As a buddhist I am always mindful of death, however we do not have any sort of control over when and how, therefore it has a special place in my thought and say in my prayers. So, i say, "since the time and circumstances that i must close my eyes is uncertain, I may die the next moment or any time in future. In case if i die without much realization, let me be reborn as a complete man (although bit biased) with full faculties and long life; come across with my root guru if not an ideal master, time to practice dharma and chance to attain buddhahood in one life-time like King of Yogi's (Milarepa).

After all this unlimited wishes and sincere prayers, I watch my breath. I breath air in and then back out through my nostrils without thoughts. Feel the air through the lungs and movements of my tummy. I do this in silence, with an image of my guru in my mind and less thinking. I do so for 1 to 2 minutes which stretches to 5 minutes sometimes. When you get a hang of it you feel good. But this are actually my wishes, I could be happier If i could do it like I have written them.